Sleep through a depressing weekend

Among days in a week, it’s harder for me to keep my mood positive on Saturdays and Sundays.

One of the main reasons is that places are crowded during weekends. During weekdays, more people are working in their offices or factories etc., and places like cafe and library are less crowded. I can still visit these places, but I tend to stay each place longer, so I hesitate to stay at a cafe I always go. I don’t want to bother their business, and I don’t want them to hate me because of that.

Another reason is that my wife leaves home earlier in the morning. I was left alone in a room, and it may not be always bad. But, I have nobody to interact, and it doesn’t help me with starting my day. I can stay as long as I want, while it makes me feel guilty.

Today, Saturday, I didn’t feel very good. I expected it, and I actually tried to get a verbal permission from my wife that I can stay home today. Thanks to my antidepressant, I can wake up earlier than when I am not taking it. But, when I feel too depressed, waking up earlier means that a day will be longer, and that’s one of the worst thing in a way. I need to handle longer time in a low mood without doing anything harmful.

So, I ended up sleeping again. It isn’t always the bad choice, while I don’t feel I have options to choose from. It could shorten my depressed time to be awake, and somehow it felt pleasant when I woke up again. The happy moment didn’t last long, but it was helpful. I just hope it doesn’t disturb my sleep tonight, while I have sleeping pills that I was prescribed from my doctor.

Now I am at the cafe I always come to. I could complete my minimum goal of the day, which was sending some postcards. I also did some dishes. And I can imagine that I will finish my day without any big problem. That may seem like a kid’s diary, but these small things are important when I am in such a low mood. That’s what I learned through my time with depression.

It is still hard to live days in such feeling, but I know that I could overcome such depressing time once up to the point that I could stop taking medication. I could do that once, so I believe I can do that again. That’s how I encourage myself now.